Date: 2009-04-27 17:15 Subject: Regularities Security: Public Tag it? crankrants, personal

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com.

Every corporation claims that what distinguishes them from other, similar companies is their earnest and impressive frugality.

Every department and group in every corporation thinks its name must have “Global” or “Worldwide” prepended to it, and that their unique symbol should be the Earth. Every department and group in every corporation also has an exciting new initiative called “Fusion.”

And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Date: 2009-03-19 09:04 Subject: Now you know Security: Public Where am I? Darnassus Mood? enlightened What's that sound? tick...tock... Tag it? houston, livejournal

When recently identified the location of a LiveJournal posting as "the real world," one of those obnoxious Snap-shots popups was affixed to that label. Upon mouseover it shows a Google map of just where the real world is: downtown Houston. I had no idea.

Date: 2009-03-18 10:03 Subject: Multithreaded Corruption Security: Public Where am I? the real world Mood? lame What's that sound? the screams of my victims echoing in my skull Tag it? silly

So, in World of Warcraft, if I pick someone's pocket and get their stuff, and then kill them, I get more stuff. This means, I assume, that I search the corpse's underwear. Fair enough. But here's a strand of my decaying moral fiber: if I pick someone's pocket then come back hours later, their pockets are still empty. But if I pick their pocket then murder them, they'll re-spawn in a few minutes and I can rob and loot again. And again. And again. This is hardly the most potent way in which such games erode what little virtue I may once have had, but it's one of the more amusing.

Date: 2009-03-10 06:54 Subject: Penkwe Security: Public Tag it? obsessions

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

My friends and I occasionally engage in a form of madness known as Penkwe. The name “penkwe” is the reconstructed proto-Indo-European root word meaning “five.” This name refers to the extreme fiveness of the practice, in ways that will become apparent below.

I cannot tell you where this…let’s call it a “game”…comes from. It came to me from a dear friend of a dear friend, but if you can enlighten as to the origin or history of this particular form, please let me know.

But I can tell you what it is, at least as we play it. In the game of Penkwe, five people write five things each, using each time a given list of five words. The written pieces can be any piece of creative writing, either poetry or prose. Each can be a novella, a sonnet, a limerick, a haiku (if you happened to get five rather short words, a recipie, a catalog entry, a travel brochure, a short story, a eulogy, or indeed any of 308,358,830 other genres and forms.

Date: 2009-03-06 13:33 Subject: Are we going to Patty-Cake or play cards?? Security: Public Tag it? kids

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

Boo: Put out your hands like this.
Daddy: Like this?
Boo: Yes. Now play this.
Boo: [chanting and slapping hands semi-rhythmically]
Lemonade.
Crunchy ice.
Beat it once.
Beat it twice.
Turn around.
Touch the ground.
Kick your boyfriend out of town.

[a pause as she stares at me intently]

I win. Now let’s play cards.

Date: 2009-03-06 12:39 Subject: Corp Two Point Oh Security: Public Where am I? Cubicularity Mood? chipper Tag it? web, work

It's not news that corporate America is giddy about "Web 2.0." It's much as it was in 1995. At that time, everyone was scrambling about saying "Ack! We have to have a 'Web Page,' whatever that is!" Now they are pretending to be much better informed: "We're leveraging Wikis and blogs to create collaborative synergies."

I'm not complaining. I make my living in large part these days by customizing and integrating these kinds of tools. But watching this phenomenon often affords a kind of horrified amusement.

A department of my company wants to set up an area in the internal discussion forums. We advised them on where to go to sign up for access to the tool, where the instructions were for creating a forum, and which IT folks at our corporate mothership to contact with any technical glitches. They responded xy asking us to set it up for them, and provided a Word doc containing all the content they want in their first two threads. Posts, replies, replies-to-replies, etc. Pre-cooked.

Also, I just watched a two minute little video tutorial about an integration between two collaboration toolsets. The first thirty seconds was an inexplicable cartoon with a very aggressive mountain goat.

Not signs of the apocalypse, nor even the AWebalypse. But vaguely entertaining.

Date: 2009-02-27 13:18 Subject: Dumb Koans Security: Public Tag it? uncategorized

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com.

Monk: Master, how many asshats does it take to explode a turducken?
Master: What the hell is a “turducken?”
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, if an anthropomorphic panda and an anthropomorphic gazelle have offspring, would they be anthropomorphic pandas, anthropomorphic gazelles, or some horrible mixture of the two?
Master: You’ve never been on a date, have you?
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, in the scene in Tranformers where the boy and the girl are making out on the hood of the robotic Camaro, is that a ménage à trois?
Master: Of course it is. Idiot.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, in the Parable of the Burning House in the Lotus Sutra, do the three carts represent early teachings of Buddhism?
Master: They represent the three ways I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t finish cleaning the toilet by the north gate. It’s disgusting in there. I can’t even go in.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Date: 2009-02-05 00:25 Subject: Social Networking Guilt Security: Public Where am I? US, California, Orange, Irvine Tag it? via ljapp

I am not unusual in feeling this, and it must have been observed at least 23,621 times before this, but: social networking tools make me feel guilty. At times I have kept up well with what my friends were doing on livejournal, twitter, facebook, myspace, friendster, individual blogs and sites, etc. etc. etc. but only by more or less ignoring my job. Then at other times (such as recently) I have had to focus on work and fall shamefully behind in keeping up with the people who matter most. Frankly I don't know how some of you do it. :-]

But I seek a balance. I will keep up better, while still serving my corporate masters well. This I do, um, not swear...I guess: assert. This I do assert.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Date: 2008-08-14 10:11 Subject: Hide, Seek Security: Public Tag it? kids, personal

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

Yesterday I got to play the greatest game of hide-and-seek of my life with my two-year-old pal. Here is a transcript:

Boo: We’ll play hide and seek.
Daddy: Ok. Do you want to hide or count?
Boo: I count. You hide.
Daniel. Great. Will you count to ten?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to twenty?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to seven and a half?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to ten?
Boo: Yes!

Date: 2008-05-12 07:03 Subject: Mmmm, breakfast Security: Public Where am I? La Oficina Mood? weary What's that sound? The omnipresent hiss of Entropy Tag it? religion

Can somebody say "yum!?"

Date: 2008-03-04 08:21 Subject: Monkey Loop Security: Public Where am I? Cage Mood? depressed What's that sound? Something involving a mulberry bush Tag it? brain, monkey

I think it was at the National Zoo in D.C. that I saw it: a monkey in a more or less cubic indoor zoo enclosure, stuck in a loop. It would swing up on a big, dead branch, bounce off the wall near the ceiling, ricochet off a side wall, run to the front glass wall, and carom off it upward to begin again. The speed, steps, arm movements, trajectories, and facial expressions did not vary. I watched as the creature did this once, ten times, fifty times with no change. It seemed as though the bored, trapped monkey, with no changes in sensory input and no flexibility to its environment, had gotten this activity burned into its nervous system. I don't know if it was even capable of stopping without an intervention such as food delivery. I have no idea whether this loop was nightmarish, comforting, or neither to the monkey, but it struck me as horribly Sisyphean and just downright upsetting. The image of that monkey looping, looping, looping and looping has stuck with me ever since.

If you've been kind enough to read this far, I hardly need state why this monkey is on my mind: I feel as though I have become that monkey. I'm just looping, ricocheting, and burning a pointless pattern of actions and perceptions more and more indelibly into my old, clunky brain.

Feh.

I know: shut up and stop whining. You have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and books on your shelf.

I will endeavor to shut up and stop whining.

Date: 2008-02-25 09:05 Subject: Shut up, smooth brain! Security: Public Where am I? Office Mood? unbalanced What's that sound? Kollektiv Turmstrasse Tag it? brain, trouble

I keep seeing banner ads for the National Problem Gambling Hotline, and while I'm certain their work is good and important, the temptation is almost overwhelming: I want to call their 800 number and say "I'll bet you fifty bucks you can't guess why I'm calling." It's not all that funny, and yet I really, really want to. I think there must be a hotline or a twelve step program that could help me...

Date: 2008-02-20 07:52 Subject: Twice Cook Pork - It's a Girl! Security: Public Where am I? Office Mood? smug? What's that sound? Paco Osuna Tag it? fear, pork

Come join me in Vegetarian Land. It's less scary here than there:

Date: 2008-02-13 00:40 Subject: Tiny Cave Security: Public Tag it? uncategorized

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

Tiny Cave

The only graffiti in the men’s room of the artsy movie house I visited the other night: a hole in the plaster adorned with a warning and cave paintings.

Date: 2008-01-17 17:52 Subject: Digging Security: Public Where am I? Office Mood? stress Tag it? email, horror, stress

Current unread email in my work mailbox: 43. Stress level: moderate.

Current unread email in my personal inbox: 2903. Stress level: surprisingly high.

Considering burning computers and changing name.

Date: 2008-01-07 11:01 Subject: Mmmm, people snacks… Security: Public Tag it? personal

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

Akane apparently likes to anoint her head with the crumbs of white cheddar soy crisps. About 2/3 of the way through the little clip, she elects to re-insert. It’s not as hysterically funny now as it was at 3am when it happened, but here it is:

Date: 2007-12-20 18:27 Subject: Undesirable Wisdom Security: Public Tag it? personal

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

An important safety tip that I’m sorry to be in a position to impart:

“If you happen to keep both sunscreen and toothpaste in your desk drawer, make sure they’re not in the same kind of container.”

Trust me on this one.

Date: 2007-12-08 10:22 Subject: Three Socks Security: Public Tag it? uncategorized

Although this may have orginally sprouted from brainflak.com, it is guaranteed 100% organic, non-toxic LiveJournal goodness.

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Three Socks

I do admire their consistency, I suppose.

Date: 2007-11-05 10:15 Subject: Cowgirl Marilyn Mansome Security: Public Where am I? Office Mood? my back hurts What's that sound? The arguing of the infra guys next door Tag it? kids, marilyn manson, ponies

A conversation yesterday between a four-year-old neighbor boy and my five-year-old daughter, as they  played with cowboy hats and a rocking horse:

Boy: I'm Cowboy Marilyn Manson!
Daughter: I'm Cowgirl Marilyn Mansome!
Boy: You can't be. Marilyn Manson is a boy.
Daughter: But Marilyn is also a girl's name. So I'm the girl one.
Boy: But he's a boy!
Daughter: Well, my name is Marilyn, and I married him and got his last name so now I'm Cowgirl Marilyn Mansome.
Boy: But he wears makeup.
Daughter: I wear makeup too, because I'm a girl. Cowgirl Marilyn Mansome wears more makeup.
Boy: No, I don't think so.